I'm too much

Okay, I know, I can really be a bit too much sometimes. Does anyone who knows me honestly think that I'm just going through the world completely unaware of this? I am, more often than not, too loud, too silly and often I say things that people have no idea how to respond to because they have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm okay with that, all of that. For a long time I beat myself up thinking about these things. I wondered how to teach myself to be quieter, calmer, more mature but I got tired of that very quickly. The thing is, this is me. The real true honest me IS too loud, too silly, very sarcastic, talks too fast and laughs too much and doesn't really give much of a damn how anyone else feels about it. My opinion is now and has always been, if you don't like it, don't look.

With that being said, the one thing that I do have a problem with is that those too-much things often prevent people from seeing other parts of me. I actually do have some good parts but I think I'm not taken seriously a lot of the time. For example, if anyone I know needed something at 3 in the morning I would 100% of the time be there for them in any way that was within my grasp of being. I would not be angered, annoyed, upset or any other negative or harsh emotion. I like being needed and that hasn't happened a lot in my life. I would pretty much do anything for anyone, assuming here that nothing illegal or harmful is asked of me, because I don't mind. I really and truly don't mind.

I have offered these things in the past only to be granted a oh-aren't-you-cute-but-there's-no-way half smile response. That does truly and deeply make me sad. I hate that I'm not the kind of person that other people feel they can trust and rely on but I don't know how to make that part of me just as obvious as the too-much parts. Maybe I'm just not big enough for all these parts.